God’s Timing, Not Mine

            I never really thought of myself as wife material. I’ve had my fair share of really horrible relationships and every single one of them I never saw myself marrying any of those guys. Then I met ‘the one.’ You know the saying tall, dark and handsome? Well this man certainly is all three of those things. He’s tall well taller than I am by a few inches. He tans really nicely whereas I burn and then peel and then not tan anymore. And last but certainly not least he’s handsome. Probably the most handsome man I’ve ever met. (And maybe I’m biased because I’m marrying him, but I don’t care.)
I have an almost 3-year-old who is my whole world. After his dad and I were no longer together I told myself I wasn’t going to date. Then I did, and it was horrible, the guy I was dating didn’t want to be around my son and he really only ever wanted one thing from me (Guess what that was,) which I don’t believe should be the center of a relationship. He was mentally and emotionally and sometimes physically abusive towards me and it got worse when he was intoxicated. I got myself out of that relationship but not without some pretty heavy baggage.
My heart was broken and bruised, and I was crushed because I tried to hard to make things work and it just didn’t work and when I finally saw that it wasn’t going to work I got out of that and decided I needed to breathe. After going from relationship to relationship I decided to stop dating and focus on my son and finishing my degree and just working.
So, I finished my degree (graduation was back in January) where I walked across that stage with a certificate in welding and an Associate degree in Applied Sciences. (Woohoo it only took me 6 years to do it going from one college to the next.) I also took a promotion within the company I was working and landed my own store and crew which at the time was awesome and I was so excited. My depression was almost non-existent, and my anxiety was so low I forgot I even had any problems with it.
Then I got down on my knees one day and prayed to the big man upstairs to prepare my heart and mind to the man I was going to marry one day. (My prayer was actually a lot longer than that but that was the gist of it.) A few weeks went by and I decided to download a dating app. Yes, I know what you’re thinking ‘why on earth would you do that.’ Well because I was lonely and wanted someone to talk to. I knew that I wasn’t looking for anything serious and I knew for a fact that I did not want a friend with benefits cause ew, gross. I just wanted someone to talk to.
A few failed dating apps alter I came across one called Badoo. The more you swipe a certain way with profiles the more similar your chance at finding someone get. 2 months into using the app and my matches got low and sometimes I didn’t even log into the app for days or weeks at a time and the chats I did have going disappeared because I wasn’t active enough on the app to keep those guys interested. (insert eye roll here, I didn’t really care to be honest.) Then I made a trip up to Puyallup to see my best friend and what do you know I got bored in the middle of the night and after a few glasses of wine and sitting on the couch with my friend she told me to open the app and check out some profiles of guys around where she lived and maybe id get lucky and match with someone, I was drunk enough that I thought sure why not.
After swiping left more times than right and just as I was about to give up I came across a profile of a guy with kind of shaggy hair and a crooked smile. He was sitting on the top of a hill with the sunset in the background and for some reason I was drawn to the picture. I sent him a smiley face and then closed the app and went to bed. I didn’t check the app for a few days (mostly because I forgot I messaged someone on there.) When I finally opened it again I saw that he had messaged me back. (This was around Christmas time.)
We talked on and off for a while until we decided to meet up now he lived 2 hours away from me, so I made the drive to my friend’s house and then from there it was half an hour away, we were gonna go see a movie. My friend and I decided to get matching tattoos (more on that later.) We also decided to get lunch before my date, after I got my tattoo finished I walked over to Safeway to get some cash and a drink before heading back to the tattoo shop when I got a text from the guy I was supposed to go on a date with. He said he wasn’t ready to meet me and my heart broke. I felt like I couldn’t breath and tears started pouring from my eyes. Why did I feel like this for a guy I had never even met? Given we had been talking every single day all day for months. It felt like everything had just gone up in flames and when my friend saw me she knew something had happened. I filled her in on the details in the car on the ride back to her house between sobs. When we got to her house I broke down and went and hid in her daughter’s room to cry. She knocked on the door and said we were going out.
I hate bars. Girls go there to dance and hang out with friends. Guys go there to pick up girls to take home and frankly that’s gross. But my friend insisted we go out to get my mind off of it and I was all for it. Alcohol to make me forget, yes please. (I don’t recommend doing that it doesn’t make you forget it makes it worse.) 3 drinks in and I was stealing everyone’s drinks, (luckily everyone we were there with knew I was only there to drink and forget so they didn’t mind buying me drinks) taking shots and getting drunk very fast. 4 hours in I landed myself in the bathroom throwing up, where I was immediately told I needed to be removed from the bar because I was too drunk. My friend and another girl carried me outside to the curb and my friend took me home where I was continually keep throwing up in a bag in the car all the way back to her house.
We got to her house, she helped me into my pajama’s and onto the bed, where I told her I loved her I cried a little bit about getting sick and getting us kicked out of the bar and told her my heart was broken and I needed sleep. I then rolled over and passed out. When I woke up I had no recollection of the night before other than a stamp on my hand and a hangover. I went and got coffee in the kitchen and then listened to my friend tell me everything that happened the night before. Where all I could do was apologize every ten seconds and hang my head in shame because I was reckless and stupid to think alcohol would make me feel better.
I kept checking my texts to see if that guy would message me back, nothing. I didn’t hear anything from him for 3 days, it was the longest 3 days of my life. When he finally messaged me he apologized for standing me up and he said he could talk if we kept it casual and talk as friends and not the way we were talking before. I agreed because I just wanted him in my life to talk to and a friend in him was better than nothing at all. That lasted about a week. And we were back to flirting and telling each other we wanted to meet and make future plans.
I found myself in love with him not long after that. And we finally met. After the first date I knew he was ‘the one.’ He asked if he could hold my hand. We went to breakfast and then church the next morning together and then we sat in the parking lot of the church and just talked about life and everything. He asked me to be his girlfriend and gave me a kiss on the cheek. It was the most perfect two days I could have ever asked for.
He met my parents and I met his. Then he met my son and it was official he was who I wanted to be with for the rest of my life. A month later he asked me to marry him. I said yes because how could I not? (Proposal story to come later, you’ll need a box of tissues because you’re gonna tear up.)
I was always told that when you know, you know. And I knew the second I saw him walking towards me at that movie theatre for our first date. It was him and it will always be him.
My grandpa saw my grandma walking down the street one day and told his friend that he was gonna marry her before he even knew her and today they have been married almost 56 years (Wow!)
As a believer of God, I know that he works in ways that don’t make sense to us at the time. But I fully believe that he knew what he was doing when this man and I started talking. Now I might not have known back then that he would be my husband but now I can’t even imagine what my life would look like without him in it.
Plus, when I saw myself in my wedding dress I almost cried because I know that when I walk towards him and see the way he looks at me it will be perfect, and I can’t wait to spend my life with him and grow as a couple and a family together forever.
I guess what I want to say here is that even when things are dark and not going the way you want them to and you want to give up or throw the towel in that God has a plan and you shouldn’t try to rush it.
Love is weird and don’t ever let anyone tell you how you feel if you love someone tell them, because life is to short to not let someone know how much they mean to you. And this man I love him with all of my heart and I cannot wait to be his wife.

            eee7b3edb4a0a43f19b9044cc28d35e5 (1)-Jasmine

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